


For Better or For Worse

by bunny_suho (strawberryhues)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mentions of a Panic Attack, Mentions of homophobia, Romance, not really angst but this involves homelessness and money struggles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 10:18:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8840815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberryhues/pseuds/bunny_suho
Summary: They were never married; the law wouldn’t allow it. But when they were fourteen years old, stupid and young, and Jongin had tied shoestrings around their ring fingers, they made a promise to love each other; for better or for worse.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Warning(s): Brief mention of homophobia and a panic attack
> 
> A/N: So this came to me when listening to the song Closer by The Chainsmokers. This fic isn't based off the song btw. This is meant to be a drabble but ended up becomming longer than a drabble, also I wrote this a bit differently from how I usually write. I hope you enjoy. Oh and my grammar here is messier than usual, plus it's unedited >.<  
> Cross-posting from AFF (http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1162367/for-better-or-for-worse-romance-kaisoo-kaido)
> 
> ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
> 
> Disclaimer: This in no way is to romanticize homelessness. This is simply a story about supporting one another and making the most out of even the worst situation. I’ve never been homeless but my family has been struggling with money for so many years, so I know what it is like to have low income. Please don't misunderstand what I was trying to show in this au. Also, I tried to do some research on what it's like to be homeless, and so I took bits from real life experiences of others (such as where they slept, what they ate, and where they got money). However, do not look at this as a 100% accurate representation of what it is like to be homeless. If there's anything someone finds offensive, please pm me about it. Thank you <3

 

 

For better or for worse.

 

They were never married; the law wouldn’t allow it. But when they were fourteen years old, stupid and young, and Jongin had tied shoestrings around their ring fingers, they made a promise to love each other; for better or for worse.

 

And Kyungsoo can remember the way Jongin smiled, all teeth and painted cheeks. It was cliché, dumb, and yet Jongin promised him that one day they would get married. And Kyungsoo remembers the way his eyes shined when he said those words, the sun adding a soft, angelic glow to Jongin’s skin. He remembers the band-aid on his cheek, covering the scratch from when he had fell out of the tree Kyungsoo dared him to climb. He remembers the acne scars and the braces: a symbol of youth.

 

That promise followed them from the moment Kyungsoo was kicked out for dating a boy, to when Jongin held him and let him cry on his shoulder. And he remembers the way Jongin had pressed their cheeks together in a tight hug, his tears rubbing off on Kyungsoo. It had cheered him up, teasing Jongin about crying, and Jongin confessed to being sensitive and how he hates to see Kyungsoo so sad. They kissed each other’s tears away that night.

 

That promise continued on, even in college when Jongin started to grow more handsome and girls started to hit on him. Even when he would ditch Kyungsoo for friends and they would fight about the lack of consideration. Even to the day Kyungsoo had dropped out of college because he didn’t want to do it anymore. To Kyungsoo’s first apartment that he shared with four other guys and he had to work two jobs to afford his portion of rent. To Jongin’s graduation when he got too busy to see each other, yet he still found time to call Kyungsoo on the phone.

 

Then they moved in together. It was a cheap little apartment with barely any space, yet they loved it; Jongin with his wide smile, and Kyungsoo with his innuendos. And that promise was treasured, kept, loved. They nurtured it, cared for it as their time together grew. All these challenges were never too hard, never enough to destroy them. But the day Kyungsoo lost his job was when that promise was put to the test. It hurt, Jongin consoling him and Kyungsoo running through bills.

 

Hands to his shoulders, Jongin tried to assure him that “Everything will be fine. We’ll get through this.” Kyungsoo believed him at first. Not in that moment when he felt like his hair would fall out. But a day later, a week later, he replayed those words. Even when Jongin took up a second job to help pay for bills. But as time moved on, it didn’t get better. Nobody wanted to hire a college drop-out with barely any experience.

 

Jongin’s jobs wasn’t enough to hold them steady. They needed more time to pay rent, more time to pay for lights, water, gas. But time ran out. And they were forced out of their apartment, and shoved out onto the streets with a complaint from their landlord about too many chances and late payments.

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo shivers, the cold getting to him. His jacket is old. It’s supposed to keep him warm and yet it’s failing to do so.

 

The winter is always the worst season. Kyungsoo always struggles to keep from getting sick but his immune system isn’t the strongest, which leads Jongin ends up giving him his own blanket and jacket. It makes Kyungsoo guilty to think about and he doesn’t ask when Jongin shows up with medicine, knowing damn well he bought it illegally, yet the thought bothers him too much to think about. “To keep you from dying,” he would say as he’d shove the medicine into Kyungsoo’s hand with a look telling him not to ask. Of course Kyungsoo would respond with a “tch” and an irritated mumble, but he otherwise kept his tongue bitten, too sick to start an argument.

 

This year isn’t as bad as the last. The previous year was their first time out on the streets. They spent the year trying hard to keep Kyungsoo from dying, and trying to find where to sleep and eat. It turns out that shelters aren’t the easiest option, and friends and family aren’t always as reliable as one would think.

 

This year they stay at a cheap motel. There’s a bed for them to sleep in and a bathroom to use so they can stay clean. The problem is that the heating unit is broken and according to the guy working at the front desk, it won’t be fixed for a while. So Kyungsoo shivers as he waits for Jongin to come home with food, teeth occasionally chattering when he gets too cold.

 

Jongin doesn’t get back until later that night, saying something about having to work late. He hands Kyungsoo chips and medicine, but there’s a smile on his face. Kyungsoo raises a brow, opening up the bag of chips and eating away. “What?” Kyungsoo asks when Jongin doesn’t stop smiling.

 

“I got you a gift.” Kyungsoo frowns, setting aside his chips and opening his mouth to say something. Jongin interrupts him before he can. “Before you complain about saving money, I want you to see it.” Within the bags is another bag, except this one isn’t from a convenience store. Kyungsoo widens his eyes when Jongin pulls a coat out of it, and he’s pretty close to strangling his idiot boyfriend.

 

“What the hell?! How much was it?!” He shouts, crawling to the edge of the bed to inspect the item. It looks nice, better than what Kyungsoo currently has and it looks warmer, too. The fabric is soft in his hands, the material anything but cheap. He wouldn’t be surprised if it costed half a hundred dollars. He glares at Jongin. “Did you steal this?”

 

“No! I bought it myself. I… You’re current one isn’t warm enough and after last year, I just don’t want…” He trails off, the smile slipping from his face as he eyes lower to the ground. Kyungsoo feels slightly bad for it, knowing how hard it was for Jongin last year. He hates the memory, hates thinking about how scary it might’ve been—the thought of your lover dying.

 

Kyungsoo was lucky. That time last year, he was too sick and any longer he surely would’ve died. It was Jongin who helped him. It was Jongin who went to a doctor and talked him into helping. It was Jongin who bought the drugs illegally, using their food money and enduring all the pain, trying his hardest to remain calm and okay. Kyungsoo won’t ever forget and Jongin doesn’t let him either.

 

“I don’t want you to get too cold, okay?” Jongin finally says, looking up at Kyungsoo only to look away again. He looks like he’s waiting. He’s probably expecting to hear some kind of lecture or an argument. Instead, Kyungsoo sighs and takes off his current coat.

 

He pulls on the new one and tries to get used to the feel. It’s heavy, warm, a perfect fit. “I like it,” Kyungsoo says. Jongin looks up and meets Kyungsoo’s eyes. “It’s warm, like you.” He pokes at Jongin’s cheek and gets a smile. Jongin complains about him being cheesy and Kyungsoo reminds him of that time when they were fourteen, proposing to him with shoestrings, and it gets Jongin blushing. He mumbles out a “whatever” that has Kyungsoo laughing until eventually they’re both breaking out into laughter as the memory returns.

 

 

The night goes by fast. They eat chips together, Jongin talking about his day and Kyungsoo listening. When it’s his turn to talk, he explains his day and how he wishes he could work and the guilt he feels. But Jongin shushes him, telling him it’s not his fault that people aren’t hiring him and that his immune system isn’t the best.

 

The conversation gets less serious after that and they play a little bit of Uno with the cards Jongin had bought some months ago in hopes of distracting them. Kyungsoo ends up winning and Jongin whines about cheating until Kyungsoo kisses the pout away. That turns into a small kissing session full of pecks and short, slow kisses until eventually they get tired. Jongin curls up against Kyungsoo’s body and whispers a complaint about how he wishes he could feel Kyungsoo’s body heat.

 

“At least your body heat will keep me warm,” Kyungsoo says. Jongin smiles and presses a kiss into his neck. They fall asleep like that, cuddled into each other just like every other night. The jacket does well in keeping Kyungsoo warm. He doesn’t shiver or wake up feeling cold like usual, and Kyungsoo makes sure to thank Jongin for it in the morning.

 

 

It’s not easy living this kind of life. They struggle with money for food sometimes, and even with Jongin working he doesn’t make enough for them to live off it. In the spring, Kyungsoo finds a job. It’s at a convenient store, yet the pay isn’t that great. He wants to find a second job, but Jongin tells him it’ll be too stressful. He reminds Kyungsoo about his condition, reminding him that he needs as less stress as possible if he wants to stay healthy. Which, how could he possibly _not_ feel stressed in this situation? Nevertheless, Jongin is right.

 

And throughout all this, Jongin is his rock. He always has been. Kyungsoo doesn’t think he’d be alive without Jongin there to help guide him, and there’s been many times where he just wanted to give up. But in these situations, Jongin knows how to make it all better. He knows how to make it feel less like a burden. And in return, Kyungsoo does the same for Jongin.

 

 

They make the most of the situation. They can’t afford to go on fancy dates, but Kyungsoo comes up with the idea to take Jongin to a soup kitchen for a date. He tells Jongin that technically it’s a date if they say it’s a date, and “Who cares about romantic clichés like candle-lit dinners?” Jongin finds it amusing but agrees no less. And when he’s on this “date” with Jongin, it feels special, holds so much meaning. He values their time together the most, feeling privileged just having someone here with him. Someone who loves him.

 

 

They try not to waste the time they have together. On days where both are free, they walk through the park while holding hands. When they have extra money they can spend, they buy takeout or ice cream. One day, it’s Jongin who shows up with TV dinners and two cheap candles saying, “Let’s have that candle-lit date?” Kyungsoo laughs, they eat their semi-frozen steak (because the motel’s microwave is useless), but it doesn’t matter if it means Kyungsoo gets to see the way Jongin’s nose scrunches when he laughs or smile.

 

Sometimes Kyungsoo sings on the streets when they need extra money. He’ll sit outside and form a beat with his hands and lap. The tips range from time to time. Sometimes he makes as high as twenty dollars, a little more if he’s lucky. Other times he’ll get maybe five. People compliment him, tell him he should be a singer, and Kyungsoo grows shy but thanks them anyways. And Jongin is always right there watching him, supporting him.

 

That promise they made all those years ago is something that he holds onto. Every time he looks at Jongin, every time he wipes his tears or bandages a scratch, he thinks about it. He thinks about how he always wants to be with Jongin, how he would never abandon him. And he feels so much love, so much happiness, knowing that Jongin could have left him when he lost his job, but he didn’t. He stayed with him, held him, supported him.

 

Their new motel is better than the last. This one has air, heating, and a working microwave. It even comes with a little kitchen. Their first night, Jongin talks about how one day they won’t have to keep moving like this. One day, Kyungsoo will have his own Kitchen where he can cook as much as he wants. “Counter space?” Kyungsoo asks, watching Jongin nod in agreement. “And granite countertops?” Another nod that earns a heart-shaped smile from Kyungsoo’s lips. “What about a big refrigerator? I want it to be filled with foods and vegetables.” He leans into Jongin’s ear. “I’ll even fill it with those juice boxes you like.”

 

Jongin blushes and splutters about how he’s an adult and is too old for juice boxes. But they both know the truth and in the end Jongin gives up and lets out a small, child-like “Promise?” That has Kyungsoo nodding and chuckling.

 

Kyungsoo adds onto their fantasy, telling Jongin that they’ll even be able to have multiple garages with all the expensive, foreign cars that Jongin could possibly want. That gets a pleased hum. “We can split it,” Kyungsoo says. “You can have half and I’ll have the other half. But you can’t touch any of my cars.” Jongin whines, mentioning that Kyungsoo doesn’t like cars. Kyungsoo admits that it’s true but he just likes denying Jongin and that gets another whine.

 

These fantasies never make them feel down. Instead it makes them hopeful, makes them work that much harder in hopes of finally being free from this cycle. But Kyungsoo knows and understands that even if it never comes true, at least he has Jongin here.

 

That night, they get comfortable. Jongin kisses at Kyungsoo’s cheek, moves to his lips, then down his neck. Kisses escalates into touching, clothes come off, until they’re both naked. The mattress isn’t that comfortable. It’s hard on Kyungsoo back as he lays there, but the sight of Jongin’s blissed out face as he rides him is enough to make him forget about that. And when it’s all over, the couple panting and lying naked beside each other, they fall asleep.

 

 

It’s in the Summer that things start to turn around. But it’s said that before a rainbow, there’s a storm.

 

Jongin wants to pick up a third job and Kyungsoo scolds him for it, telling him that he should also be looking out for his stress. But they’re getting desperate. They can’t keep living off of junk food if they want Kyungsoo to get any healthier. They can’t keep living in motels and shelters. They get into a fight about it, about money, and all the built up stress only makes it that much more intense.

 

Kyungsoo tries to explain that he doesn’t need to be babied. Jongin is always putting Kyungsoo before himself, always caring for him, always worrying about him. It makes Kyungsoo feel weak, but his words fall on deaf ears. Kyungsoo doesn’t want to be reminded about how sick he got. He doesn’t want to be reminded that he isn’t in the best of conditions. And he doesn’t want to hear about how selfless yet sometimes stupid Jongin can be.

 

“I’m not a fucking child! Stop trying to tell me what I already know! You keep trying to make me feel weak and I hate it. I hate that you do it. I can take care of myself!”

 

Kyungsoo’s the one who leaves the motel room, too exhausted and frustrated to continue fighting. He walks around the area, thinks about the fight, about their lives. It’s not too late out. The moon has just made its appearance and the stars are starting to fall into place within the sky. He kicks at one of the cans on the sidewalk, hands in his pocket until he gives up and leans his back on a building.

 

Looking up at the sky, it’s a little beautiful like this. There’s a hint of orange, the only sign of the sun as it fades away. Kyungsoo can’t help but want Jongin next to him so they can both look up and watch in amazement. He can remember the years of highschool when they would sneak out of Jongin’s room to go find a park. They would sit on the benches and sometimes stare at the stars. Jongin would bring cookies he stole from his kitchen, Kyungsoo would bring drinks he stole from his refrigerator. The sky always looked pretty, like a painting. And in those moments, they would talk about their future and the unspoken words would linger in the air, but they could both feel it. _“I want to spend my future with you.”_

 

He feels lonely when the memory hits. The earlier fight feels stupid now and when he goes home, Jongin is already asleep in bed. Kyungsoo crawls beneath the covers and watches his boyfriend’s back. “Jongin?” He tries, hoping that maybe he’s awake. He doesn’t get a response and with a sigh, Kyungsoo turns onto his back and stares up at the ceiling. “I’m sorry,” he says, voice low to keep from waking him. “I didn’t mean to make you upset. I just worry about you. Don’t be mad at me, okay?”

 

It’s not the best of apologies. But Kyungsoo isn’t one to easily admit when he’s messed up and this is him trying to make things better. They’re in this together, for better or for worse. He doesn’t want them to be mad at each other, he doesn’t want them to say hurtful things or let their anger get the best of them. They need each other.

 

The hard press of the mattress is more noticeable when he’s not cuddled up with Jongin. He tries to ignore and presses his eyes closed in hopes of falling asleep. He doesn’t expect to feel a hand graze his own. There’s a creaking sound, movement. Then his hand is being held. He looks over to his side and sees Jongin staring down at their joined hands. 

 

“I’m sorry, too.” Kyungsoo smiles, his free hand coming to brush aside Jongin’s bangs.  When Jongin’s eyes glance up at him, they catch Kyungsoo’s gaze. “I’m scared,” he admits. “I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to lose you. I’m trying to get us out of this, so that you can get better. I want to get you a doctor, vitamins, medicine, healthy food; whatever you need. Because I…” His hand squeezes Kyungsoo’s own and he gets it. He hums in agreement, listening and waiting patiently for Jongin to finish. “I love you,” he finally says. “And I don’t know what I’d do without you.” 

 

“It’s okay—”

 

“It’s not okay. It’s been a year and we’re still stuck like this. We’re still struggling and we can’t even afford a place to stay. You can barely work without getting sick and I know it’s just colds but what if it gets worse? And all we ever eat is junk and we can’t even sleep on a comfortable bed, or even our own bed. We’re always trying to find a place to sleep, always spending money on medicine. I know it’s stressing you out, I can tell. And—”

 

“Jongin,” he says, tone serious. It gets Jongin to stop talking. “I love you, too.” Jongin visibly calms, the words soothing him. That’s when Kyungsoo notices the bags under Jongin’s eyes, the worry within his pupils. He realizes then that Jongin wasn’t sleeping, was probably having trouble sleeping. He wonders for how long and this is exactly what he’s talking about. Jongin has been worried about him, about them, about this situation for so long. “You need to care for yourself, too,” Kyungsoo says. “You never care for yourself. You never think about yourself. You’re stressed and you need to sleep.”

 

“I just think that another job would help.” Jongin’s voice is small, tired. Then he sighs and lets go of Kyungsoo’s hand to rub at his face. “This shouldn’t be so hard. I graduated from college. Technically, I should have a successful career right now, or _something_.”

 

Kyungsoo feels guilty then. He knows that he dragged Jongin into this mess. He knows that it’s his fault they turned out this way. “It would’ve been easier for you if you had broken up with me from the start.” He doesn’t mean for that to slip out. It wasn’t supposed to be said allowed, but it’s too late to take it back. Jongin sits up then, the bed creaking with his movements. Kyungsoo hesitantly follows.

 

The look Jongin gives him is serious and unimpressed. “Do you really think that?”

 

“I do,” he admits. Jongin’s eyes soften and it sends a funny feeling throughout his chest.

 

“For better or for worse, remember? You’re here, and that’s enough to make everything feel less shitty. I… I meant it. Even if we were stupid and fourteen, I meant it. I’d rather be here with you in this ugly motel than with some stranger who’s rich and successful, because it’s _you_.”

 

Those words send an even funnier feeling throughout Kyungsoo’s body. He smiles and pushes at Jongin playfully. “You’re a sap,” he accuses.

 

“Hey, I’m trying to be serious,” he whines. Kyungsoo laughs and shushes Jongin with a kiss to his cheek. Then he places his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder.

 

“I know. And… I feel the same.”

 

That night they do sleep cuddled together. Jongin’s body heat lulls Kyungsoo to sleep and the reassuring words sit well within him. But that doesn’t mean that the fights completely stop. There’s still arguments every now and then about money and how it’s being spent, what to spend it on, and whether or not they’ll be able to afford staying at the motel another night.

 

And eventually they can’t. Money grew low and they found themselves carrying their items to different places. They slept in a park one night, but it was in the middle of their sleep that it started to rain. Kyungsoo had woken up to liquid on the tip of his nose only to meet the sight of rain drops falling above him. Despite the warm evening air, they put on their winter jackets—the only ones they had—and moved into a small ally where they could rest comfortably until the morning.

 

It was frightening to say the least. Kyungsoo worried that they would have to ask a stranger to let them stay, even though the idea was unreasonable. Nobody would allow a stranger to sleep under their roof. But in the moment, his mind was haywire. He went into panic mode, Jongin trying to calm him and hide his own worries at the same time. It took time for him to calm down but eventually, he does and falls asleep within Jongin’s arms.

 

They eventually did stay at a stranger’s house. A co-worker, so to speak, and that’s when things started to look up. His name was Chanyeol who worked with Jongin and apparently they’re good friends. He let them stay with a low rent price and as a token of appreciation, Kyungsoo decided to cook for them each night.

 

The apartment was small with only two bedrooms and walking space that made it hard for more than three people to be in the same area. But it was luxurious to Kyungsoo who forgot what it felt like to sleep on a comfortable mattress without fear of germs or lack of cleanliness.

 

 It was embarrassing at first—the fact that someone knew their situation. Kyungsoo’s first thought was that the man must think they’re dirty or that their thieves or something.

 

He was self-conscious around Chanyeol, never laughing or smiling too much, and always staying by Jongin’s side. Neither Kyungsoo nor Jongin are good with people. Both are shy, have always been, but since Jongin knew the man better, it was easier for him to make conversation.

 

Their first night, Kyungsoo expressed his concerns. Jongin tried to assure him that Chanyeol isn’t _that_ judgmental and the next morning he was reassured by Chanyeol. Chanyeol explained that he understood their struggles and that he also had been homeless his first few months after graduating college.

 

The apartment, according to him, was a gift from his parents. They bought it and furnished it, and Kyungsoo had visibly frowned at the explanation. Not because of Chanyeol, but because of how it reminded him of his own family—the ones who disowned him. And maybe he was a little jealous, and based on the way his smile grew tight, Jongin was, too. But they remained grateful and tried not to be burdens.

 

Jongin did pick up a third job, despite Kyungsoo’s complaints. But in all fairness, this job paid better. They were able to afford healthier meals, new clothes, and any other necessities. Chanyeol was the one who bought Kyungsoo’s medicine for the times he got sick and even got him a doctor’s appointment. He was happy to learn that he wasn’t too bad, and they could improve his immune system over time.

 

“You’re lucky,” the doctor had said. “It’s a good thing you came to me now. Any longer and you might’ve gotten worse.” And Kyungsoo took those words and clung onto them with fear and gratefulness. Jongin, too, his grip tight on Kyungsoo’s hand when walking home.

 

 

 

Moving meant that Kyungsoo would have to take two buses to work. Work isn’t that stressful for him and these days he doesn’t have to worry as much about money as before. But the question of how long their stay is welcomed is always something that runs through his mind.

 

It hits when he’s organizing the merchandise. He doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life and he doesn’t know how to establish a career when he doesn’t have much experience. Jongin, despite being a college graduate, has more ahead of him. He majored in dance and choreography, something he had been dreaming of since he was a child. But the opportunity to audition never came and with everything that happened, Kyungsoo guesses that he felt it was a useless dream. Jongin’s mind was too caught in other ideas and Kyungsoo remembers their conversation some months ago; Jongin echoing his parents’ words of how there’s no hope for dancers and they’ll only end up on the streets.

 

Jongin had laughed, saying they were right and he should just focus on a real job that could support them.

 

Kyungsoo tries not to get too wrapped up in his thoughts. He knows that Jongin wouldn’t approve of how he’s stressing himself out, and he knows Jongin especially wouldn’t like the way he’s questioning their relationship. But it’s hard to understand just what Jongin sees in him. It’s times like this, when he’s hyperaware of his job and the choices that lead them here, that his insecurities start to grow.

 

He sits behind the register when he’s finished organizing and taps his fingers on the surface. It’s a slow day, giving Kyungsoo more time to think. But all this thinking feels too much. His fingers stop tapping, his mind wondering to what will happen if Chanyeol kicks them out, what will happen if Jongin loses his job or if Kyungsoo also loses his job. He wonders about whether or not they’re overstaying their welcome. It's been two months since they moved into Chanyeol’s place, but there’s only so much a person can take when allowing strangers into their home.

 

The thought of living on the streets again is frightening. He doesn’t want to be scared anymore, doesn’t want to feel weak anymore. He tries to reason that Chanyeol is nice, that Jongin’s work is fine, that they’re saving up for their own place now. But there’s too many what if’s, too many worries that eat away at him.

 

And suddenly he can’t breathe. His throat feels stuffed, his eyes feel teary and strange, his body is stuck. He can hear his breathing growing rapid, and that only has him panicking more. This has never happened before. It isn’t until one of the workers come from the back of the store and help, that he finally starts to get his breathing back to normal again.

 

“It’s a panic attack,” she explains. Kyungsoo glances at her nametag—Amber. “It happens when you overthink.” Kyungsoo thanks her and she flashes him a smile. That evening, he doesn’t mention it to Jongin.

 

 

 

The longer they stay at Chanyeol’s, the worse Kyungsoo’s anxiety grows. He becomes more aware of it now. It’ll hit when he’s alone, thinking about how he’s sitting on a couch that isn’t his and sleeping on a bed that isn’t his own. It hits again when he gets his pay check, the money not nearly enough for what they need to survive. But Jongin’s jobs are going well. There’s the possibility of a promotion which means they might be able to afford to move into an apartment with roommates, or maybe even one of their own.

 

It eases his anxiety enough.

 

 

 

 

He’s in a good mood today. Jongin’s promotion is looking better and they’ve found a few apartments they can afford. With a little more patience, Kyungsoo thinks they can be financially stable. Who knows how long that’ll take. He tries not to think so much on it and in this moment he doesn’t think anything could ruin his mood. Well, that’s not entirely true, but he prefers to stay in this fantasy for just a while longer.

 

So he doesn’t stop smiling and he finds himself humming at work when there’s nobody around. He switches to singing quietly as a familiar song plays over the speakers. He’s not expecting it when he turns around and sees Amber watching him. He almost screams but settles for his breath hitching. “You sing?” She asks.

 

Kyungsoo nods hesitantly. She smiles and comes closer. “You have a nice voice,” she says. Kyungsoo gives her a weird look, curious as to what more she has to say. “Really, it’s true. I’m impressed. Have you taken lessons before?”

 

“No,” he says. Amber’s eyes widen.

 

“What? Dude, you have so much potential. What are you doing working at a grocery store when you can be a celebrity?”

 

Amber is intimidating. She talks as if they’ve known each other for years and has a tendency to be clingy. She’s friendly, sure. But Kyungsoo doesn’t have the people skills for handling someone like this. He’s forgotten what it’s like to be social. He’s so used to being with only Jongin, talking to Jongin and Chanyeol, that this situation has him feeling flustered. “I… Uh…”

 

“Actually,” she interrupts. “Have you ever thought about it?” He hesitates before nodding. He’s thought of it every now and then. Back when he would sing on the streets, the thought would occur often. But that was just a stupid thought that the high of compliments would give him. He’s not cut out for that.

 

“I’ve considered it,” he clarifies. “But not seriously…”

 

“What if I told you that I know somebody?” Kyungsoo freezes, eyes widening as he stares at her. She can’t be serious, can she? But Amber is looking at him with this smile, a look of sincerity in her eyes. Kyungsoo almost gives in, almost believes her.

 

“I’m not interested.” He heads towards the cash register and takes his seat, just in time for a customer to come up and hand over their items. He rings them up and bids them a goodbye with a forced smile. Amber doesn’t quit. She stands in front of the counter, that smile no longer present.

 

“Why not?”

 

“Why should I believe you?” He raises a brow, waiting for an answer.

 

“So you don’t believe me. Look, I’m serious. I have a friend who is a producer at this record company. You should sing for him and they’ll give you a contract in no time.”

 

“If you have these connections… Why are you working here?” He gestures at their surroundings.

 

“Long story short,” she says. “I prefer to make my own money and the music business isn’t what I want to do with my life.” Kyungsoo still feels skeptical. He’s not sure if he should trust Amber and the sigh she lets out tells him that she understands. “Okay, I’ll let you think on it. I’ll even give you his card so you can see I’m not lying. They’re always looking out for new artists so I carry them around.” She digs through her pockets before finally pulling out a card. “Here. Look him up if you don’t know him. You can even call and tell him I gave you the number.” She hands him the card before flashing one last smile.

 

He doesn’t take it at first. He leaves it on the counter and stares. It isn’t until his shift is over and it’s time to go home that he decides to take it.

 

 

Kyungsoo brings the topic up at dinner. Chanyeol yells with his mouth full, screaming about how Kyungsoo needs to call right away. It startles Kyungsoo at first. He glances at the card again, asking if the guy is really that popular. Chanyeol snatches the card out his hands and after looking over it, he yells again. “Are you kidding?! This guy is fucking _huge_!” He even makes dramatic hand gestures and he’s so obnoxious and loud that Kyungsoo has to cover his ears.

 

“Keep it down!” He fires back and Chanyeol quiets with a huff. “How do I know it’s real? What if I call and he doesn’t really know her?”

 

Jongin is the one who suggests that he tries. “You never know,” is what he says. And he isn’t wrong. The opportunity isn’t one that you let slip by, but there’s a feeling of anxiety that tells him all of his life choices have come with terrible consequences. But when he sees Jongin’s smile and feels the weight of his hand on his thighs, sees the hopeful look in his eyes, Kyungsoo realizes that maybe not _all_ of his decisions have ended badly.

 

Elbowing Jongin in the face when they were eleven was definitely the best decision he’s ever made. If not for that, they never would’ve met. So he nods in agreement. Chanyeol makes some weird noise and Jongin gives him a wide smile. “My baby’s going to be star.” That gets Jongin a weak shove and a shy smile. But Kyungsoo is excited, no less.

 

 

 

As it turns out, Amber wasn’t lying. The second Kyungsoo mentioned her name, he was asked to meet the man—Eric—face to face. Kyungsoo stayed up that evening, researching everything he could find on the Eric guy. Apparently he is as big as Chanyeol made him sound. He’s written and produced songs for many celebrities, and even put out two solo albums that earned multiple awards.

 

He woke Jongin up at two in the morning, hitting his back while repeatedly mumbling out “babe, babe, look.” Jongin wasn’t too happy at first, too busy complaining about how he was rudely woken up. But after seeing the list of achievements and the amount of top celebrities that the company has signed, Jongin quickly brightened up.

 

They exchanged a look before breaking out into a smile, hope shinning within both their eyes. “Do you think they’ll sign me?” Kyungsoo had asked, scrolling through the list of celebrities. “I’m nothing compared to these artists.”

 

Jongin assured him that his voice is the best and that anyone who doesn’t think so is an idiot. It’s not as calming as Kyungsoo would like it to be, but he tries to push down his anxiety. He lets the excitement take place and he holds Jongin, spooning him from behind and listening to him mumble about how he’s going to enjoy fucking a celebrity. Kyungsoo hits him but smiles anyways, wondering what it’ll be like to have a celebrity status.

 

And they do have sex that night. Jongin starts touching, talking about how he one day wants them to fuck on a bed of money. Kyungsoo keeps trying to slap his hands away and accuses him of being materialistic, but he knows Jongin is just joking. He gives in soon enough and fucks Jongin from behind with a hand covering his boyfriend’s mouth because “For fucks sake, Chanyeol’s room is _right there.”_  And Jongin comes with a gasp, biting Kyungsoo’s fingers. When it’s all over and they’re cuddled against each other, Jongin whispers words of how everything is finally, _finally_ getting better.

 

“I love you,” Jongin whispers sleepily into Kyungsoo’s ear. “I love being here with you.”

 

Kyungsoo can’t keep the smile off his face. It’s wishful thinking, he knows. But the idea of everything looking up, just as Jongin said, feels so close. Just a little longer and they’ll have it, a chance to start a new life.

 

“I love you too,” he whispers back.

 

 

 

 

If Kyungsoo thought Chanyeol’s apartment was luxurious, then the building he’s in is fucking _insane_. The walls are decorated with awards and platinum and gold albums. There’s crystal knobs on office doors, fancy windows, expensive equipment, and even the flooring looks expensive. Kyungsoo meets Eric in one of the recording studios and they sit on the leather couch (that most likely costs more than a college tuition) to talk about a few things. Jongin came along but they keep a distance between themselves, too afraid that the opportunity will vanish the moment this Eric guy finds out they’re dating.

 

But Eric is nice, funny, warm. He explains that Amber always finds him the most unique voices and “Any friend of Amber is a friend of mine.” Kyungsoo smiles, hoping it doesn’t look too tight. But Eric’s smile is genuine. He asks if Kyungsoo could sing for him and after sending Jongin a nervous look and getting a nod in return, he turns back to Eric and takes a deep breath.

 

Inhale.

 

Exhale.

 

He opens his mouth and the notes glide out smoothly, and are picked up by the air.

 

The room is silent as he sings the first verse. The longer he sings, the more he relaxes. He doesn’t think about how nervous he feels or the judging look on Eric’s face. He concentrates on hitting the notes as best he can, and when the song finishes, Jongin claps. He quickly stops and gives a shy smile when the two look towards him, but Eric smiles anyways.

 

“You have potential,” Eric says. Kyungsoo doesn’t know if that’s good or bad. He sits on the edge of his chair, waiting with bated breath for Eric to elaborate.

 

He half expects for Eric to tell him to go home and never come back again. That he has potential but it’s not enough. Instead, Eric tells him to come back again next week where he will sing in front of the company owner, and they’ll determine then if he’s in or not.

 

Eric assures him that his voice is good and that with more vocal training, he’ll be a big hit in no time. “There’s no way he’ll let you go,” Eric says. Kyungsoo and Jongin leave with relaxed shoulders and matching smiles.

 

 

 

Chanyeol almost kisses him on the spot when he tells him what happened. Jongin finds it amusing, Kyungsoo doesn’t. But Chanyeol’s goofy smile is enough for him to let it slide and they celebrate with wine and cookies (Kyungsoo chooses to drink water instead). Chanyeol teases that if Jongin sings like the way he moans—all loud and high-pitched—he’d surely be a hit with the females. That gets Chanyeol a smack (“What?! You thought I can’t hear you two? The walls are thin you know!”), and Jongin is blushing the rest of the evening.

 

That doesn’t stop them from fucking again. Kyungsoo presses open mouthed kisses against Jongin’s neck and he realizes only after they’ve come that this is the most they’ve been active. He takes it as a sign that life really is getting better and Jongin laughs at him, saying he’s thinking too much about things.

 

“I’ll never understand the way your mind works,” Jongin says. Kyungsoo resists the urge to roll his eyes. As if Jongin doesn’t say anything just as weird. But he chooses not to respond and instead they curl up together, cuddled close.

 

And Kyungsoo isn’t one to pray. Never in his life did he pray, and never in his life did he ever think that God or whatever being is real. But in that moment, watching Jongin close and curled up, a potential future just within arm’s reach, he prays. “Please. I love him and… and I want him to be happy. He deserves to be happy. We need this…”

 

When it’s all said and done, he falls asleep—naked and hopeful beside his boyfriend.

 

 

 

 

Being presented with a contract is not as frightening as Kyungsoo expected it to be. In fact, it’s exciting and sends a feeling of pride all throughout his body. He reads over the words carefully, making sure that there’s nothing that can ruin this for him. In the end, he signs. Eric takes him out to a fancy restaurant to celebrate. Jongin would’ve come if he didn’t have to work, and how could Kyungsoo reject a meal from his new label?

 

The words on the menu are unfamiliar. Eric laughs but explains that he’ll get used to it. Kyungsoo gives a shy smile and doesn’t comment. Eric is the one who ends up ordering for him. They spend the time talking about the company, how it works, the people Eric knows, and the celebrity lifestyle. It’s all intimidating.

 

Kyungsoo curls into himself as he thinks about all the people, all the celebrities that’ll be watching him, judging him. But Eric tries to assure him that he’ll be fine. “This business requires strength. You’re going to change either for better or for worse. But you are a strong person from what I’ve seen and I think you have the potential to go far. It seems intimidating now, but trust me. You’ll get used to it.”

 

Those words aren’t as encouraging as he’d hoped, but he nods along anyways.

 

When dinner ends, Eric takes him home in his fancy car with leather seats and a touch screen radio. Kyungsoo has to force his finger to still, tempted to touch and play with the buttons out of curiosity. He makes note of the car, knowing it’s definitely something that Jongin would like.

 

When he gets home, Chanyeol forces more alcohol into their system as another celebration. Chanyeol gets drunk to the point of tossing money out his wallet, letting it rain down all over Kyungsoo. “You’re walking money now!” He shouts, loud as always until he passes out on the floor. Jongin is the one who helps Chanyeol to bed that night.

 

There’s no sex that evening, but Jongin gives Kyungsoo a blow job and Kyungsoo returns the favor. They both pass out afterwards and it’s a blissful feeling—the feeling that life is finally beginning for him. It’s all the better with Jongin by his side, sharing this experience with the person he loves most in this world. “For better or for worse, right?” Is all Kyungsoo can manage to say before sleep takes over and he’s slipping into dream land.

 

 

 

 

 

 

And when Kyungsoo wakes up again, years later in a bed he can _finally_ call his own, that promise holds true.

 

“Kyungsoo! Look! You’re on TV!” Kyungsoo rushes into their living room and quickly plops down next to Jongin on the couch, a bowl of popcorn in his hand. Chanyeol is on the floor with his legs crossed, bouncing with excitement as his eyes stay glued to the screen.

 

 _“And the three time award winning singer, Do Kyungsoo!”_ Jongin and Chanyeol cheer and clap. Kyungsoo has to throw popcorn at them to get them to shut up so he can watch. _“He’s back with his new album. It hit number 1 less than a day after being released. People all over the world have been talking about him.”_

 

Chanyeol and Jongin send him matching smirks, and Kyungsoo tries to shy away from their looks. He picks up one of the pillows on the couch and uses it to hide his face, unsure of how to handle compliments. He’s never been good at it. But then Jongin kisses his cheek. “I’m so proud of you,” he says. Kyungsoo smiles shyly into the pillow.

 

The moment is ruined when Chanyeol throws popcorn at them. “Get a room or something!” He shouts. Kyungsoo drops the pillow and glares, and kicks at his back with his foot.

 

“This is _our_ house!” He shouts back, reminding Chanyeol that he’s their guest.

 

“You’re nice to people, you let them live with you for almost a year, and this is how they repay you,” He mumbles. Kyungsoo kicks at his back again. Jongin shushes them when the performance starts.

 

The audience is cheering, and the light shines on Kyungsoo’s skin. The camera closes in on his face, showing the light bounces off the sparkling eyeshadow. It’s a weird look. Kyungsoo isn’t used to makeup even after the two years that he has been in this business.

 

“You look hot,” Jongin says aloud. Chanyeol nods in agreement and Kyungsoo would’ve hit him if he wasn’t so embarrassed at the attention everyone is giving him.

 

Kyungsoo tries to keep his lips from forming a smile when Chanyeol bursts out in song, singing along to the lyrics. Jongin joins in, grinning at Kyungsoo and getting him to join and so he does. He sings with them, smiling when Jongin takes his hand and holds it.

 

That evening, after the performance ends and all three are full from snacks and drinks, they say goodbye to Chanyeol. Kyungsoo and Jongin sit back down on the couch, cuddled close like always. “You looked amazing,” Jongin says. “And you sounded really good.”

 

It’s a weird journey. Their lives consisted of highs and lows, but through each and every low Jongin was there. From the times where they would laugh so much that their stomach hurt, to when they would fight and worry over money and where to sleep at night.

 

“Thank you,” Kyungsoo blurts. “For uhm… Being there, always. And for supporting me and helping me.” He looks Jongin in the eye. “You didn’t leave.”

 

“You know it was never about the money,” Jongin says. “I—”

 

“I know,” Kyungsoo interrupts. “And I want to say that I love you, you know? I always have. And even if we were still living on the streets, or in Chanyeol’s apartment, or even in some small apartment of our own, I would be okay with it. It doesn’t matter where or how we live, as long as I’m with you. And even now, with this,” he gestures around them. “I don’t care. I only care about you. I want to share the rest of my life with you and only you.”

 

It’s a jumbled mess of sorts. Kyungsoo isn’t sure of how to properly put his feelings into words. It’s too many emotions. He feels grateful, he feels love. They made a commitment those years ago. They made a promise.

 

“For better or for worse.”

 

And they kept that promise, stayed true to it and each other.

 

Jongin repeats the words, kissing at Kyungsoo’s lips and grinning at him with a look of love in his eyes.

 

 

Kyungsoo remembers everything. And the memories all play through his mind when he’s holding Jongin close that night, listening to his breathing every now and then.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So here it is. 8k of what was originally supposed to be about 2k maybe 3k words. As previously mentioned, I tried to research as much as I could without getting carried away. But some things may not be 100% accurate. Hopefully I didn’t offend anybody with this and if I did, feel free to let me know through pm. Sorry I just get anxious about these things and I don't want anyone to feel like this was poorly portrayed. I wanted it to be as close to realistic as possible. /-\
> 
> That's all I have to say. I hope you guys liked it. Let me know what you think? And thank you for reading <3


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